Where I Stood
by gafann
Summary: merder oneshot. read and review, please!


She set her things in her locker, closing examining each item that she put down, completely lost in her own word, which she felt was expectable since she was the only one there that night. It was finally time to go home after one of the longest days she had spent in the hospital that she considered home. Her whole body ached, and all her it wanted…no, all it needed was sleep, but she knew that wasn't going to happen. There were far too many thoughts bouncing around in her head for sleep to come tonight. The thoughts tortured and tormented her.

Hands. Hands all over Derek. She knew another woman's hands would be all over the man she loved. Rose's hands. The one and only man she wanted.

Mouth. Thinking of someone else's mouth searching for Derek's in the dark. Rose's mouth hurt her, physically and emotionally.

Body. She felt cold without his body pressed against hers at night, and another woman's body would be pressed against his tonight. The thought made her sick. Rose's body.

Something in her had told her to run, and stupidly, she had listened. Now she found herself in a situation that she regretted more than anything she had ever done. She thought someone could love him more than she could, but she was wrong. Dead wrong. And at this very moment, for all she knew, they were together.

She set the rest of her things in her locker, and sat on the cold bench to slip on her shoes. She was ready to leave. She made her way to the elevator, wandering, feeling almost lost, as if ever step took a little more out of her than she expected it too. She gently pressed the button and stood waiting to hear the familiar 'ding' that told her it was on it's way to get her. It opened, and it was empty. She walked in and leaned against the rail, as she watched the door close slowly in front of her.

Floor 4…floor 3…floor 2…stop. The doors opened to let someone else in. Someone oh too familiar to her. She could feel the heat rush through her body as she saw his face through the slowly opening crash in the doors. Suddenly the slow movement of the elevator was irritating her. She wanted to see him, all of him.

The doors opened completely and he tilted his head ever so slightly and gave her a gentle smile. The smile caused her to smile back, her heart breaking every second, but the pain kept her alive. It kept her wanting more, even though she knew it was slowly tearing her apart. "Hello there," he softly spoke as he stepped inside. _Closer, come closer._ Her body begged. He leaned against the rail beside her, and she took a tiny, unnoticeable step towards him. _There, that's better, but closer would be nice._

"Hi," she responded.

"And where are you going this evening?" He looked at her, and noticed that she was looking at him, sizing him up. Measuring the distance between them with her eyes. Seeing if it would be inappropriate to move closer.

"Home…I think. Maybe Joe's," she admitted.

Doors close. Floor 1…lobby. 'Ding.' Doors open.

"In that case, would you care to join me to a drink?" He smiled at her. She left her tear tug at her chest. He stepped outside of the elevator, and turned back around to watch her walk out. She quickly followed.

_Just a drink_. "Sure," she smiled slightly, which made him smile wider. More tugging. He reached for her coat, and helped her put it on as they walked toward the exit.

The ex-couple walked side-by-side across the parking lot to Joe's, which was conveniently across the stress. _Get closer_, her body told her, _you have to get closer._ And so she did. She moved slightly to the right, and she noticed that he moved slightly left, as their arms brushed against each other's. It made her heart race. _Closer_, her body begged her. "God, it's cold," she mentioned, crossing her arms over her chest. Instinctively, his arm wrapped around her shoulders. _Good._

Once they got to Joe's, he reached for the door and opened it for her with a classic McDreamy smile. "Thanks," she smiled back, leading the way down the stairs into the slightly smoky bar.

Derek found a table, pulled a chair out for her, and told her, "I'll be right back," as he made his way to the car to get them both drinks. He came back with a Scotch for himself, along with a Martini and, of course, a shot of Tequila for Meredith. "First ones are on me," he laughed.

She started as soon as the drinks hit the table; anything to make this easier on herself. "So how have you been?" She started the conversation. She was glad that he picked the chair next to her, instead of across the table.

"Well, apparently I'm the world's worst boyfriend," he laughed to himself.

She nearly choked on her drink as soon as the words fell from his mouth. _Are you joking?_ "Why is that?"

"Because I'm too hung up on the past," he looked down into his drink. He looked over at Meredith's beautiful, pale green eyes. She looked confused. "I don't know," he explained.

"Seriously? I'll have you know that you are most definitely not the world's worst boyfriend," she told him. She would try anything to make him smile. The smile that broke her heart, but she needed it to keep breathing.

"Thanks," he spoke softly. His body leaned closer to her. "Meredith," he began what sounded like an important conversation.

"Yeah?" She started to get nervous by the tone of his voice.

He looked into her eyes, stared right at her, straight into her. "Never mind," he said, looking away. The words hit her like a brick wall.

"Derek?" She looked concerned and disappointed.

"It's not important," he smiled, weakly this time. It made her realize that whatever it was that he was going to tell her was, in fact, important. If it meant something, she knew he would tell her eventually, so she let it slip.

"Ok," she finished off her drink. She looked at his almost-empty glass, "Want another? This one's on me."

"Sure," he said, gulping down the last drink.

She stood and walked towards the bar rail, feeling a little more tipsy than she thought she was. She ordered their drinks and paid Joe. "McDreamy again?" Joe asked.

"We're not together," she informed her friend.

"The way he's looking at you? Honey, honestly, it doesn't look that way."

She didn't answer, instead she just grabbed her drinks and made her way back to the table. "Here you go," she handed Derek his Scotch.

"Thank you," he took the drink from her, his fingers gently brushing against hers. Sending a chill through her body, and his as well.

They sat and talked, ignoring what seemed to be the many elephants in the room: love, passion, obsession.

"Ready to go?" He asked.

She nodded, reaching for her things. She half stumbled as she stood, and he reached for her elbow, making sure she could catch herself. "Thanks," she whispered, slightly embarrassed.

They managed to make their way back up the stairs, through the door, and across the street before the silence became too much. As soon as they hit the Seattle Grace parking lot, Derek broke the silence, putting himself out there, "I miss you."

She stopped dead in her tracks, and looked at him, with a pained look on her face. "What?"

"I miss you, Mere."

"You miss me," she repeated, unable to for her own words. She had wanted this to happen for as long as she could remember.

"Do you miss me?" There was a good two feet in between them. They both stood and stared at each other.

"I…Derek, I don't know who I am without you. When I left you, I thought I was right, but I was wrong. You mean more to me than anyone I have ever loved at all. Of course I miss you."

"Oh, thank God," he let out a deep sigh. "I couldn't keep doing this anymore." He leaned forward and pulled her into a tight hug. A hug that made her feel like he was never going to let her go ever again, and she hugged back with all the power she had. Her body let out a soft sob, realizing that this is all she wanted. This is what made her feel complete. "I love you, Meredith. I love you so much."

"I love you too, " she whispered. She leaned back, facing him, wanting nothing more but a kiss from him. And a kiss she got. An amazing, electrifying kiss. A kiss that that signaled the rest of forever. A kiss that told her that he was never letting her get away again.


End file.
